The Phoenix Hyperbole

‘Linda’ says hello.

I also want to say hello, but, I honestly have no idea how to start. If you want to be literal about it, I guess I already have started so I kinda just have to run with whatever it is that’s pouring out of my head right now. Which are words. Words are pouring out of my head right now.

And I just remembered why I both love and hate writing. Moving on.

The one lesson I remember very well from my Feature Editorial class is my lecturer telling us how the first pieces of literature we will ever write are going to be complete and utter shit. One only has to go through my blog to understand that.

Also it doesn’t help that every single time I’ve sat in front of my screen to come up with something for my next post, the only thought that is ever so clear to me is ‘Fuck This‘.

So. It’s 2017. It’s Ramadhan, and somehow I’m back to writing after winning the award for ‘Procrastinator of the Millennium‘ back to back. A feat I’m sure no one has ever achieved in their life before and probably never will, because;

  1. Unfortunately, you are not me
  2. You will never be me
  3. It’s pretty much impossible (don’t ask me how I did it)

I have literally taken 2 years (almost to the day if I just put my head down and let the weekend come) to write my fourth post. Fourth. 4. VI IV.

I feel like I’ve gone through a thousand and one changes. Both good and bad. Probably one or more mid-life crises which I came out of alive, despite the Greeks believing that going through a crisis basically meant that was it for you. Your life is over. Done.

“Kuf-dead” is what I heard someone say one time, somewhere, somewhen.

I feel like I’m getting to the end of my blabbering, which let’s be honest, is what this is. I guess at the end of it all, all I want to say is that I’m still here, still alive and kicking (Alhamdulillah), and I’m going to actually try and keep this up even if it’s just once a month. I mean how hard can it be? I’m not exactly losing anything if you think about it (probably my sanity, but that went out the window a long time ago).

So yeah, Some African Guy is back and better than ever. Which is to say more weird and strange than ever. But yeah. Fuck it. Let’s do this.

PS: I have a podcast now so if you want to actually hear my babbling rather than imagine it in your head then here you go. Enjoy.

Ramadan Kareem everyone.

Whatever I: Snu Snu’s Song

So here’s the thing. I kinda sorta promised someone that I’d have a new post by Sunday. I kept thinking about it today and realized halfway through the day that if I don’t at least start the draft now then I’m definitely not gonna be able to post on Sunday. Because shit happens.

I mean I don’t want it to, I doubt anyone does, but life has a way of making sure the unexpected always happens, you know?

So here’s to shit not happening. At least for a while.

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things recently, as most humans naturally do. Some of the thoughts I can barely even remember. It’s like when you have it right at the tip of your tongue, or brain in this instance, but can’t quite seem to recall. I’m sure there’s a word for that but I can’t bring myself to google it. Mostly because I’m lazy but also because sometimes mystery is a good thing. Keeps things interesting.

I mean just think about that one guy who keeps creeping around and just kind of being there but not really there, you know what I mean? I’m sure you’ve seen that one guy around somewhere. In your neighbourhood, around town, in your closet maybe. Who knows for sure.

Anyways, yeah, random fucking thoughts.

The one I remember in particular is about relationships and how I absolutely fucking suck at them. Also I’m starting to realize how bad my cussing is getting but I’m at that age where I honestly don’t care. You only have one option which is pretty much just to deal with it or not. I doubt I’m gonna change who I am for someone who might not entirely be in my life for forever. Which is actually one of the points I was going to raise on said topic.

Change.

First off, let me start by saying that change, like global warming, is inevitable. It will always happen. No matter who you think you are or what you are, it’ll always happen. However, when it comes to relationships, mine included and the ones I’ve observed over the course of my billion year stay on this wonderful space marble called Earth, I’ve noticed one thing in common;

Everyone and their father (can’t bring mothers into this, I’d like to not be hunted down by a pack of wolves, said wolves being you, dear reader[s?] damn this is a long bracket or whatever shit I have to get back) seems to force said change.

Like, yo, don’t force shit. Just let it happen.

I’m of the opinion that relationships should be taken care of like you take care of a new born baby.

“Well that’s just a stupid thing to say pfft I can’t take advice from my laptop screen that’s absurd!” you say as you swipe Cheeto dust off your keyboard. Listen to me you lovely meat potato you. Relationships are a fickle thing. Humans have the uncanny ability to be even more fickle. It’s like we were designed to be smart but also stupid at the same time. We’re the perfect walking contradiction.

If you think about it, it makes a lot of sense to treat the person you’re dating like a baby, because if you don’t, you’ll be the unlucky idiot who has baby puke all over their clothes. Puke and poop and pee and all the wonderful things babies can’t control because they’re babies. What were you expecting? A fucking manual? Jeez.

So back to my original point. Which I don’t even remember because I imagined having to take care of another living thing, which is practically what happens when you’re dating someone.

CHANGE! DO NOT FUCKING FORCE THIS SHIT. THINGS WILL END BADLY IF YOU DO. See, if you start forcing someone to do what they don’t want to do or haven’t thought of doing, then they’ll see it as a bother and then shit just starts crumbling from there. And this is why I likened change to a baby. You ever notice how babies just figure stuff out by themselves? I mean yeah you introduce them to the thing, whatever it is, in the first place but then the rest is just self discovery. That’s how it should be with your significant other.

Show them the thing. If they respond positively then you’re among the lucky ones, if they don’t you just have to use your brain and figure out another way to show them the thing. This is where I’m gonna use myself as an anecdote because I’m like the world’s leading narcissist but I somehow have the confidence of a fucking snail (that could be an insult to snails but I honestly don’t know, haven’t talked to one in a while).

Is it just me or do you see less snails during summer . . . ?

 

To be continued because it’s 1:30am and I need to sleep. My sanity is already at the peak of degradation, gotta hang on to what I have. So I guess this’ll be part one. Maybe part two will come on Sunday, so hey, you get what you wanted and then some. 

 

Bad Titles: Part Deux

SECOND POST IS FINALLY HERE!

Despite the obvious fact that it’s practically 1000 years late and being written at 2:31 am exactly. But I doubt anyone cares to be honest so why should I? I mean technically speaking I should give a little bit of a shit seeing as this is my little personal project that I might or might not want to mutate into something very personal or whatever, but to be honest, eh. Sue me.

Anyways yeah, this is the second post. Probably going to be just as bad (or worse which, lets be honest, is completely 100% possible). How come people don’t use brackets in the real world?? Maybe you kind of sub-consciously apply them in your head but you don’t know about it at all. Like breathing or whatever. Talking to yourself in your head is how you use brackets in real life…

Ok, so I just spent like a good 6 minutes or so looking up how to use brackets (or why we even use them) and apparently the most common type of bracket, which is this incomplete oval thingy, is called a parentheses’ and so far I’ve used it right so I’m good bruh!

So yeah anyways, It’s 2:46 am now and I forgot why I even wanted to write this stupid thing. I’m actually kind of getting pissed now that I forgot the entire reason for this thing so to hell with it. I might read some weird science stuff or something and try and sleep seeing as everything I wanted to write about just decided to gtf out of my head.

I mean I guess technically speaking that would be considered quitting or whatever but dude! Everything I wanted to write about just evaporated into thin air! I think it’ll get to the point where I have to write down everything I think about that gets me into a sort of creative mood, otherwise if I don’t it just automatically disappears into oblivion.

So fuck it. Better luck next time.

Also, death is all around us. Make the most of your time on this earth because you might be here now but you might be gone tomorrow.

Childish Gambino – Zealots of Stockholm (Free Information)

“That perfection is unobtainable is not an excuse not to strive for it.”

I’m horrible at titles.

HELLO EVERYONE! And by everyone I mean the one person or like 3 people I’ll happen to give the link to my blog to because I obviously haven’t gotten over my insecurity issues.

WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?! Three seconds in and I’m already opening up like *insert some clever analogy for something that open’s up real wide, like an octopus when it’s about to swallow you or whatever*. I can already feel how slightly annoying and irritating writing this blog is going to be yet here we are! 🙂

So on to the intro’s or whatever! My name is Ammar (no need for second names bro, I don’t know you like that). Wait, why do you even need to know my name? I’ll probably share this thing on facebook or twitter or myspace or whatever so you’ll probably have known me from there; Unless you added or followed me and then completely forgotten about me for some reason in which case SUCK IT HARD THAT ONE PERSON WHO DIDN’T KNOW I EXISTED! Suck it haaaarrrddd. As you can see dear reader, I clearly have all that caps lock shit down like no one’s business so I believe I earn the oh so awesome title of Internet Warrior, if there is such a title anyway.

This blog is going to be about a lot of things to be honest. A lot. Like I can’t even begin to imagine about the ridiculous things I’ll be posting on here. The only way I think I can even come close to giving you a hint of what this blog will be about is if you took a mouse, a lion, a tiger and an elephant, gave them all appropriate doses of LSD (or acid as the kids like to call it) put them in a room with a man in a flamethrower fighting a hallucinating seal that happened to be cuddling with a hobo clown then MAYBE just maybe you might have an idea of what this blog is about.

For those of you who did not understand a single word of the above paragraph I apologize sincerely and offer my deepest condolences to your imagination. May it rest in peace.

But yeah, mostly the blog is just gonna be somewhere I put all of my thoughts about everything into. From philosophy type stuff to comics to movies to music to general happenings of the day, stuff like that. I kind of find it hard to make myself focus on one thing when it comes to stuff like this so I’d rather just do everything now and then sort of funnel it later as I grow with the blog. One of the main thing’s I’d like to start doing in the future though is to sort of write short stories or something of that nature just to fuel my passion for writing.

I guess that’s it then, my little introduction to you, the reader 🙂 Pretty sure if I knew you personally I’d be all up in your face thanking you for reading this weird piece of literature. Funny thing is if i do end up sharing this on Twitter or Facebook, a lot of the people who just might be curious enough to read this epic piece of literature might know me personally so I’ll have to man up and stick to my word. Well I say bring it life let’s do this!!!

P.S. For any gamer’s who might end up reading this, the announcement trailer for Mortal Kombat X (10 for those illiterate in Latin. Casual.) just came out and it’s pretty epic so check it out.

P.P.S I think I’ll be ending these posts with like some type of quote or something to signal that the post has ended seeing as I kind of suck at ending things so yeah, just a little heads up.

“For each person there is a sentence – a series of words – that has the power to destroy them.” Phillip K. Dick